As I turned into the mile-long driveway, which zigzagged uphill to our house, tears softly flowed from my eyes, and I felt as though I had come back to life.  It was only then that I realized how everything had seemed gray and dead since my husband had died.  There had even been times when I wanted only to die and be with the man I had loved so.  I had sometimes thought I smelled his cigar smoke.  I had thought I heard him laughing.   Once I thought I saw him in a crowded store.  But now, after the first year without him, it was I who was coming back to life.  The moment is one I’ll never forget.

Twenty-six years later, I still recall this incident on the mountain pass as a wonderful gift from God, letting me know that it was time for life, not death.  It was like waking from a very deep sleep.  My heart was still heavy, and the pain still sharp, but I was alive.  God had helped me and would continue helping me.  I had survived, and I would go on.

God had not left us alone.

End Chapter 4. Frank & Pat Jan. 14 1956  Frank & Pat 1953

©Pat Montesano 2003 All Rights Reserved.