During that third difficult pregnancy I had worried that something might be wrong, and had made a deal with God.  I offered to raise this child to be a priest if he would be born normal and healthy.  When I had been 7 months pregnant, I had been rushed to the emergency room going into premature labor.  To stop the labor and prevent a premature delivery, I was medically treated.  A good friend, years later, commented, “The doctors should have let nature take its course instead of interfering.”

There were years of confusion and frustration in raising this son, and when he was 7 years old he began living in distant special residential schools to provide him with the best education possible.  There were many shared tears between my husband and me as well as with our other children, over the trials of separation from this boy.  It was very distressful.  Each evening we prayed as a family for guidance and comfort, and for success for him.

When he was 15 he came back home to live with us.  There were terribly hard times as he expressed yearnings of wanting to be like his siblings.  He wanted to date, to drive a car, to go to college, to earn money, to marry and have children.  It was heart breaking for all of us, knowing these desires would not be attainable for him.

When he was 18 years old his father died suddenly, and he suffered through grief and anger.  My youngest child was 5 years old when my husband suddenly died, and the others ranged in ages up to 20.  As I struggled with financial hardship and a grieving family, I made decisions which confused him even more.  I had to sell our house, get back into the work force, and enrolled him in a residential program nearby.  He resented being separated from his family again, and lashed out as he was moved from program to program, while experiencing confusion, despair, and loneliness.

©Pat Montesano 2003 All Rights Reserved.